Phoenix Moments
- Mark Grayson
- Feb 3
- 3 min read
“Getting Naked” at Work
I first got to know Brian Anderson four years ago when his book Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life was in pre-publication. We met via Zoom during COVID as my two sons were beginning to establish their careers after college. It was a time in my life when I was filled with fresh impressions of one of the most exhilarating chapters of any adult male – launching the next generation.
I deeply resonated with Brian’s efforts to encourage men to expand traditional narratives of fatherhood, so I looked forward to doing an in-depth conversation about how my actual lived experience played out raising two boys to express their own unique version of being male in today’s world.
You can imagine then that I was completely caught a bit off guard when Brian’s line of questioning went in an unexpected direction, forcing me to think about lessons that I had learned as a high-flying private sector and non-profit executive, their relationship to the core propositions of the book, and their implications today’s leadership models. What on earth did that have to do with raising boys to be good men, I thought? Well, I reflected, as I stumbled through the beginning of his interview, how to be successful at work is a core component of Man Box culture that in some ways we actually need to unravel most.
What I learned from this discussion with Brian is that there are indeed some “professional” dimensions to the multi-variate problem that we are trying to solve in making this cultural shift that goes well beyond the sexual harassment and diversity issues that have been much studied in the workplace, and that it is important to focus on these issues as much as the other “personal bias and behavioral” stuff that is easier to identify.
So this podcast interview is unlike the others. Because it explores how the “Getting Naked” mindset plays out at work, it has prompted a slew of comments, and reactions from former colleagues who thanked me for making a record of my thoughts.
What will you hear in this discussion?
We explored the tension between being up in our heads as men – transactional, pragmatic, fixers, problem solvers – and increasing evidence indicating that being open-hearted and accessible, and helping other construct their own solutions, has as much if not more power to make things happen. We agreed that both points of view or ways of operating are important and offer sets of tools that are not mutually exclusive.
We talked about the ability to grow these tools by keenly observing and learning from the interactions that we have with a great leader in our midst. We identified the need to invest much more time in our communication skills, especially writing (which teaches you how to think – sorry, AI aficionados who believe otherwise) and listening with curiosity. We underscored the importance of staying grounded and centered in all interactions, allowing ourselves to feel the emotional intensity of each moment, even as we try to remain regulated going through it. And we concluded our discussion of the implications of Getting Naked at work with the observation that heart-centered leadership is powerful – and in some situations can be more effective than traditional, command-and-control management behaviors that are so much in force.
I still want to have a discussion with Brian about raising boys in alignment with some of the ideas articulated in the book, but that will have to be a conversation for another day…
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